C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
there's paper in my vomit.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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