I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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