She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
