So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
