I want to stick my p in your. b.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
