remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
