Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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