dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
