I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
