She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
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I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
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First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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