So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
