What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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