Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
