I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
