just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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