There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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