No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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