wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
You can't motorboat a personality
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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