GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
