he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I am midnight drunk by noon
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
