so explain again why im purple
no
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I came so hard my ears popped.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
