I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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