found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Randomize
