If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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