ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize