so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
and you fell through a lawn chair
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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