After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
