i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
