i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
the gays at disneyland are vicious
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
