remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
