I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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