ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
