Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
