so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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