He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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