Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
