there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
