I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
We're too hungover to prance.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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