I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
