I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
