Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
