I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Randomize
