my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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