you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
okay pat passed out under dana's car
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
there is puke in my bra ... again
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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