party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
