Whod you bang
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
