We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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