I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
