so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
