Sponge bath it is.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
