It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I stole a fireplace last night.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
He better not be in your backpack
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
