Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
then he tried to convert me to islam
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
