Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
