How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
