We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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