i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
