I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
