Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
