I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
