So drunk its hurt
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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