there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
