I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
