I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
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