I want to walk on stilts...naked
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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