I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize