I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
