i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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