Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
