i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
