I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
there's paper in my vomit.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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