I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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