for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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